The Undeserving

I cannot make anyone feel the way I feel...
If I give away my heart to the undeserving...
When we part, although it may hurt, it is truly their loss...
I am intelligent, bright, loving, funny, and caring...
I am beautiful inside and out...
I love my family, friends, as well as, myself...
I am loyal, honest, and charitable; more importantly, I do my best to be a good person, and respect all differences...
I am someone's futrue wife, and best-friend--

He will love me just as I am, for all that I am...
Cherish me for more than my painted face...
He will cherish me with all of himself...
He will hold me above all others...
His true love...
The match to his soul...

True Love

Clouded memories--
Faded dreams--
Heavy hearted--
Passion infiltrated--
Deep inspiration and anticipation--
Heart racing, its hard to see--
Hard to breath--
Longing for your touch, your kiss--
The deepness of your eyes--
Clouded memories--
Faded dreams--
Heavy hearted--
Passion infiltrated--
A love--no one can touch...

Perception of Beauty

Day after day, I am told how beautiful I am.
Day after day, I am told how beautiful my smile is; or, how beatuful my eyes are; how beautiful my face is, or my lips-
I think it tiresome to be expected to live up to such standards.
Day after day, people assume because they find you beautiful life comes easy to you. They assume finding love only comes with the territory. They assume me deceptive and un-trustworthy.

They fail to see that most never look past their own perception of my beauty.

They fail to realize that I am not a pretty portrait with no feelings, and no depth.
They fail to see that I am not as beautiful as they precieve, life does not come easier to me, nor, does love.
They fail to see that there is so much more to me than physical beauty; a beauty that will surly fade.
They fail to realize their perception of my beauty, only makes me prey...

Empty Vessels

The source of my pain is not the empty vessels that once filled my bed. Nor, is it the heartache I've suffered at the hands of those empty vessels.
The pain in my heart stims from the true love I have ignored; from the love I didn't fight for.

I want to go to him, I want to tell him, how sorry I am that I, sabotaged our love.

The pain seems un-ending and no matter who may fill his physical space. No one, can fill the piece of my heart he stole. No one, can come close to making me feel as special as he thought I was for a time.

My heart longs for someone who isn't here, and never was. It longs for something only found in fairytales; my heart longs to be truly loved and freed from love...

Jumped

My heart was broken so badly that I jumped at the opportunity to fill the whole where my heart once set.
I jumped at the opportunity to give my love to another.
I jumped to dull the pain previously left.
Blind and deaf I dumped into a cicle of deception, and lust, manifesting my feelings for one onto the other.
I jumped into an illusion, into a lake of shallow feelings, for both of us were rebound and doomed for destruction.
I jumped in so deep it is hard to tell which love I mourn for. I'm drowning with feelings yet, I know not why I cry, or whom I cry for. Rejection and loneliness got the best of my heart and I jumped; I jumped to the death of my soul...

A Prayer

I shall pay the taxes my government believe's due to them.
I shall turn back toward you when defiled by men.
I shall see the person before me, as they truly are; rather than seeing what I wish to see. And I shall smile effortlessly, as they precieve to deceive me.
I shall turn my cheek, and forgive all whom have, and may trespass against me.
I shall not intentionally do harm to others as I would have them do unto me. Nor, shall I judge, least I be judged by the highest court of authority.
I shall be compassionate, and understanding of the blind whom surround me.
I shall give the last dollar in my poket to the begger standing on the street.
I shall take the slanders and persecutions that may be pressed against me.
I shall live humbly, and share with my sisters and brothers of Eve.
I shall wait for the One, a man of your word; to help build your kingdom in the physical world that surrounds me.
I shall wait for the One, a soul of your word; to enter into your kingdom above, with me.
I shall give your word, as it has been given to me; and those whom seek you shall find you within themselves, and within me...

Invited Pain

Fooled once again.
Bamboozled once more.
Sometimes I wonder- do I do this intentionally? Do I do this to myself?

Although, this time something's different.
No tears fall from my eyes, and the pain within my heart is dull.
A familiar pain, a pain I know all too well; a pain buried deep in my heart.
A pain once so sharp, now dulled to a creeping ache.
A pain once so unbearable, I could take to my bed for days; and now the pain is so familiar- it barely changes my day-

Perhaps, I invite this pain, to give meaning to my craft.
Charging in knowing, I'll only end up back here-
With only a broken heart, and my dexterity to hold me near...